This week was a very precious one to me. Bean arrived home on Thursday evening and A arrived home for her baby shower yesterday. We celebrated with the baby's shower, Christmas, and her birthday last night as they were heading home today and won't be back until after the grandbaby arrives.
It was so wonderful having everyone here, together, at the same time. In some ways in made me sad as I realized that this will probably happen less and less as my children grow and make lives of their own. Yet with this sadness, comes great joy as we are so elated when they come "home"! There is great joy in knowing that they are heading into the world to live their lives and seek His will for them.
I feel so blessed to have had this time with the family. I don't know if this feeling of sentiment goes hand in hand with getting older, I suppose it does. The memories will stay with me always.
Seems I've been caught up in so many things around the house, that I really haven't had to time think about Advent preparations very much. This is evidenced in the candles in our advent wreath that we have only lit once.
As we prayed the Rosary last night, the first time in two weeks, I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me about Advent. He said, "Prepare YE the way of the Lord!" He didn't say, "Hurry up, get stressed, get grumpy, get it ALL done NOW!" He said prepare YE. So does this mean, YE...prepare everything!? Or could it mean...prepare YE? As in, prepare myself. Prepare my heart. Something so simple, but I've managed to get wrong all of these years. As if it is only MY job to prepare the whole world for the coming of Christ. It is not. I am to prepare myself first. In my personal preparations, hopefully I am a living witness to my children and others around me that stir something in them to prepare themselves.
So I have comitted myself to not stress about all that needs to be done for His arrival. I know I'll fail, but I am determined to arrive at Christmas morning in peace. I am resolved to do what I can to prepare physically for His arrival, but more importantly, I will strive to prepare my heart, my mind, my soul for Christ's coming.
May you have a blessed Advent and embrace the truest meaning of this season.
No PR for me yesterday, which was disappointing, but nevertheless, I did not allow myself to hold back from still pushing through all the way to the end. I knew by the end of the first 12.5 mile loop that I would not PR just because I am beginning to really comprehend what my body is saying to me.
After several weeks of illness, a bad reaction to antibiotics, resulting in an inconsistent training schedule, I am not surprised by yesterday's results. I am also not down in the dumps about them either.
On Thanksgiving, I ran a PR at Run Thru the Woods. My time was 7 mins faster than ever before. I ran an 8 min mile. The very next Saturday, I ran a 30K in Kingwood with the Fit groups. I had a bit of a relapse with the illness so I took off all last week. This gave me pretty fresh legs to run yesterday.
The day started with a small Trail Nerd Reunion! Wish we could get ALL of us together more often, but such as life. No Parts, Brown Chick and Brown Cow were running the "fun run" of 12.5 miles. I almost choked when I heard the announcer call it that! Fun run? Not sure I'd call it that as once upon a time, not that long ago, 12.5 miles was an impossibility in my mind!
This run was so serene for me. The weather from Friday provided us with cold air, frosty vegetation, the misty air hovering upon the lake and even snow upon some of the lower canopy trees on the trail. All so much beauty to take in and really appreciate. Huntsville hold a special place in my heart as this is where my mom loved to be so much. I've run several races out there and hope to do my 1st 100 there.
Four of my wonderful children waiting patiently for their slow mama to get to that finish line!
Planning what to wear proved to be quite challenging. First, I should say, that as a woman, deciding what to wear is always more complicated. We have too many choices. Shorts. Tights. Skirts. Shorts and Tights? Skirt and Tights? Tights alone? I opted for the skirt and tights understanding that the tights can be removed if it became warmer during the run. Next up, what shirt? Or in the case of yesterday, which shirts? I ended up with 2 long sleeves layered on top of a short sleeve with Moebens. I only ended up dumping one long sleeve shirt and never stripped the tights off. I just never warmed up enough to do that. I kept my gloves and hat on for the entire run as well.
I had decided that this race I would go with only hand-helds and lose the camelback to see if my GI problems that have been showing up lately could be caused from the waist pack. I am glad I decided to go ahead with this plan. Not only did I not have any stomach issues, I've proven to myself that I can run more than 10 miles with a hand-held.
As good fortune would have it, I had a delivery of O.N.E coconut water show up on Thursday! A rep had contacted me about a month ago and asked if she could send some to me to try. I gladly accepted and I am happy to report that I think the coconut water helped to keep me feeling no real highs or, more importantly, no lows during the run. I will no longer be drinking the usual sports drinks. Thank you O.N.E!
I used the honey to replace the other gels I have been using. I ate one every hour or so. I also used a fruit leather and one packet of sport beans on the last loop. Next time, I will add in almonds.
The aid stations seemed to be well-stocked, but I didn't make much use of them as I really wanted to control what I took in to determine what exactly I need to do to avoid the GI problems I've been having recently. I did fill up the hand-held with a bit of water, diluting the coconut water, and this seemed to work out fine. I also drank a small cup of Coke (hate the stuff) and it helped give me a little kick towards the end of the second loop.
The only issue I had yesterday was with my legs feeling very, very tight. I stopped a few times to stretch on the last loop and though it slowed me down, I think it helped me to be able to finish the race running and not walking.
I had time goals set for each part of the race. The first 6.7 mile loop I had plotted to come in at 1:16 mins. I came in at 1:05. The first 12.5 mile loop, I had planned for 2:18. I came in at 2:20. I knew that I would have a slow last loop because of how the legs were feeling at this point. The last loop, planned for 2:28, I came in at 3:07. Surprisingly, I felt better the last 7 miles of this loop than I did the last 3 miles of the first 12.5 mile loop and the first 5 miles of the last loop.
The best part of the race was seeing the kids and Mark at the finish line. Foo brought his coconut shells so that he could make the "galloping" noise from The Holy Grail for me. I galloped across the finish line with a big huge smile on my face!
Honestly, I'm not so fast that Mark can't get a better picture, he's just slow on the camera draw. Of course his poor fingers were probably frozen solid.
Not sure anyone else knew what we were doing, but it was quite funny in our little world. If you have no idea what I am talking about, check this out...
I make it a point to try to learn something about myself on each race that I participate in. Some things I learned yesterday:
1. I need to carry my camera sometimes and take pictures so that my family can see some of what I get the pleasure of seeing on the run.
2. I can push myself beyond where I am comfortable, not because I am going to PR, but because I can.
3. I am not ready for the goals I have set for the next two months, Bandera and Rocky.
4. I am not 100% sure I want to be ready for those goals just yet. With my daughter leaving for Ohio again the same day as Bandera, and my oldest daughter expecting my first grandbaby around the time of Rocky, my heart repeats one of my personal mottoes "Family first!"
5. I love running trails. I love saying hello to everyone I can and encouraging them. I am blessed to do something I love with some of the best people in the world surrounding me!
6. I can run for myself. Seems silly, I know, but this was the first race that I've run for myself. Not for a cause, not for a person, not for anything other than 6 hours of alone time to listen to what He has to say to me.
So, who knows what's up next for me. I am moving forward as if I am running Bandera, but I am quite content to decide to not run it. I believe that developing a consistent weekly schedule is in order. I suppose, in some weird way, I feel like I am not yet deserving to run these races. I believe that if I can stay healthy and consistently train, I may change my mind.
I could choose to sleep in tomorrow. After all, it is currently forecasted to be below 24 degrees, so who would blame me? Yet, I am not going to sleep in. Rather, I am making the decision to rise from a winter's nap, head into some icy, muddy, trails, and attempt to peel away one more layer of the onion that keeps me from Him.
Confronting my limitations. This is where I feel closest to Him. Bringing myself to the point where I must call on the One who gave me life keeps my faith in a state of growth. It is not a "challenge" but rather a death of my ego, my will, and all of those occasions of self that keep me from the truth that I am nothing without Him.
I have run a 50K before. I am not so much worried about the distance. But I really don't enjoy the cold. Not even a little bit. And cold it will be when we reach that start line. I also hope to reach a new time goal of 6 hours. I am not as confident in reaching this tonight as I was when I first considered it. Funny how that happens.
One thing I know I can be assured of is that I will peel away another layer tomorrow and take one step closer to Him.
As I sit here trying to fight off the effects of whatever illness my body has succumbed to, I reflect upon the thought that perhaps, in spite of this being a time that my running should be going full force, sometimes rest is what is called for.
I do feel a bit uneasy about being this close to Bandera and having to take some time off, but I also know that if I don't listen to the body, it will fail me down the road.
For the time being, I will enjoy the hot tea, comfort foods, and couch time with the family as soon enough, I will be donning those running spats once again and putting more tracks in the dirt.
Up next weekend is a 19 miler on Saturday and the weekend after is Texas Trails 50K. I am planning to change a few things up as far as gear and nutrition goes. These two runs will give me a chance to test out some options before Bandera and Rocky.
Now back to planning our first Vegan Thanksgiving...
This Saturday was my first long distance run of the season and proved to be a great time. The few days leading up to the race were full of heart ache as we lost three beautiful women to cancer.
Mark and I took the kids to Lake Livingston for a few days as we had planned to before the passing of our friends. This meant we were not able to attend the services for them. We were able to attend the rosary for Natalia, and I am so grateful that we could.
I had planned to run RR in honor of 16 year Natalia a few weeks ago when she was dealing with a pretty serious lung infection. There had been a few prayer vigils that I participated in and I felt that this was one more way that I could pray for her healing.
Well, Natalia received the ultimate healing, quite unexpectedly. I still felt it important to run RR in her memory as well as the memory of Kelly and Linda who had also passed away within days of Natalia.
The morning was chilly, but temps were expected to hit the 80's by the afternoon. I met a fellow blogger that I have followed for a couple of years which was a really nice treat! He was running his first 50K and did very well.
My last 50 K time was 6:34 back in May at Hog's Hunt. My goal was to try to take the first loop slower, cueing myself to hold back as needed. I wanted to complete the race with a new PR of somewhere between 6:15-6:30.
The first loop went well. The pack of runners stayed together the first hour as it was dark for most of that time. It was so pleasant running with everyone and enjoying the company. It also helped me with my goal of slowing things down a bit for the first loop. The only real concern was that I was trying something new on this race, a big no-no, but a necessary one I had to take a chance with.
Ever since going to a vegan diet, the Gu and the Accelerade seems to really be tearing up my stomach. I had heard about coconut water and yet was not able to locate it anywhere locally. On Friday night, the night before the race, I happened to accidentally notice it at our local Kroger. I picked it up and decided to give it a go. I had also ordered Honey Stingers which aren't officially vegan, I don't feel too bad about using as no animal fat is in the product. I had played with them on a few of my long runs recently, so I knew they were ok to use.
The first loop I used the coconut water. It was very pleasant tasting and I had no issues to speak of. I felt energetic and light on my feet. Things were going well. I happened to hit a tree root and took my first fall ever in HSP. My initial reaction was, "Did anyone see that?!" No one did, although a very nice man, Dwight from College Station, came upon me and figured out pretty quick that I had a pretty good tumble. He looked me over and in spite of the intense pain in my knee, I ran through the pain thinking of the sweet face of Natalia looking down on me. The pain left quickly and I was able to complete my first loop in 2:49. A huge difference from my last 50K (3:10).
I came to the start/finish to refill my camelbak. Mark and Lem were there to cheer me on and help me out. Mark spoon fed me my avocado. It was heavenly. Honestly, it tasted like ice cream! He refilled my pack with the Accelerade that I had already prepared. It was my hope that having to run only the 2nd loop with the Accelerade would ward off stomach issues.
I was wrong.
Within 10 mins of beginning to drink the stuff, my stomach started revolting. It was like nothing I have ever experienced in running before. I am always up for something new, but really, I could have done without this...
The further into the loop I got, the worse the symptoms seemed to be. At some points it felt like the running would make it worse so I would walk. A wonderful lady stayed with me and talked with me which helped take my mind off of things for awhile, but eventually, I had to slow down again and take the last 4 or 5 miles much slower than I had hoped to. I was never so happy to see a port-a-potty as I was the moment I crossed the finish line! The 2nd loop time was 3:25. Fairly disappointing, but overall, I was happy with the outcome.
My total time was 6:14! One minute faster than I had hoped my best time would be! 30 mins faster than my last 50K PR.
I am so happy to have had the opportunity to have run in Natalia's honor. She was a remarkable young lady that I have learned so much from.
Though my running paces have become quicker and more consistent, I do not feel at all prepared for this upcoming racing season. I have been focused on things larger than running.
I will run Rocky Raccoon this coming Saturday (the 50K) and then make same decisions regarding the rest of the season.
I hope to do well at Rocky, not for myself, but for the two ladies I am running in memory of.
The last month has been a roller coaster ride of sorts. One minute we are celebrating life in the form of a birthday, the next we are praying for those who are suffering with terminal illnesses, family difficulties, financial problems, and more. It is merely a bold reminder that we are not home yet, but rather, we are in a temporary place, a fallen world.
On Wednesday I had the ultimate joy of beholding the face of my granddaughter within the womb of my daughter. As a mom of six, I have been blessed to see this several times before, but this time was so different. This was my first-born sharing with me a view into the private residence of her first-born. Not only was this a huge blessing, but so was the realization that not only are we gaining a beautiful grandchild, but we are also gaining a son! My daughter's fiance is my son. I felt it in my heart just as sure as I have felt that way about any of my biological children. Anyone who knows me, knows that only God could have changed my heart in this way.
While looking upon the face of my sweet grand-daughter, I received word that dear Natalia had gone home to Our Father. She was only 16. I know that her family knows that she is safe in His Arms, completely healed and happily dancing with Jesus. But I also know that they grieve their loss.
A dear friend of mine, Kelly is also in her last hours as I write this post. She has fought a brave fight and she is winning her reward of eternal life. I know that her boys will be safe and sound with their dad. I believe that Kelly will be the catalyst for a great conversion for this young father.
I can't help but yearn to see my mom's face right now. But photograph's will have to suffice. I know that we meet in the Eucharist, but it sure would be nice to have a real hug and smell that special perfume she loved to wear.
I have felt the ups and downs of the past few weeks and obviously the children have too. Often, my kids will ask me, "where are you going, Mama?" I will answer jokingly, "Crazy! Wanna go?" They laugh as we get on about our business. Today, I told the kids to get their shoes on as we were going out to run a few errands. When Fish asked, "Where are we going?" Boo quickly answered, "We are going to Crazy! Yeah! We are going to Crazy!"
His joy at following me to Crazy was so contagious! Everyone cheered and loaded into the car ready to land in Crazy! Who knows where it is, but they weren't second guessing it.
Wouldn't it be nice to have that kind of faith? To trust that no matter where our Father calls us, we trust Him enough that if He says, "Let's go to Crazy" we would follow, and not only would we follow, we would be joyful about it! Ah, the faith of a child. Simple, pure, real.
Had planned back to back long runs this weekend for a total of 25 miles, but I appear to have caught what the rest of the family has had over the last two weeks.
The good news? I am the only one who had not had it yet, so when I am done, the house will have survived the illness.
Hopefully this won't derail me too long. I've got some training to do!
I was able to get a wonderful 6 miles in last night! The weather is really nice this week and I pray it continues, well, for a very long time.
The run started with 2 miles at Marathon Pace, even though I'm not running a Marathon. Go figure. After 3 at 9:20 pace, I hit the Nature trail and ran 2 at a 9:30 pace.
Finally I ran 2 back home at an easy pace leaving me with an overall pace of 10:30.
Tomorrow is a 12 miler with Woodlands Fit. Looking forward to a great day!
It has been a very, very, did I mention VERY, hectic two weeks around here. My beautiful sister in law was married this past Wednesday, 09-09-09. It was a truly monumental event within our family, especially to our parents as they gave away their baby girl.
The family, the friends, the fun, the preparations that we all helped with kept us quite busy and feeling pretty exhausted by the end of this week. In fact, several of us are not fully rested or recovered just yet. And we would not have it any other way!
My training has not been much to speak of, a few runs here and there. I had decided to not fret about getting the running in and just enjoy the time with the family. I am so glad I took that pressure off of myself. The realization that my racing schedule will need to change quite a bit from what it was originally intended to be has set in and I am happy with the modifications.
I have always tried to put family before everything else, including my running. This has proven to be the best for me and for them. At times I get frustrated with the "interruptions" in the training, but in the end, I recognize that the frustration is actually a cue to me that I am not putting my family first and it helps me to reorder my priorities.
My fall race schedule will probably shake out something like this...
November Rocky Raccoon December Sunmart January Bandera? February Rocky Raccoon March undecided April Rocky Hill aka Hell's Hills
I haven't set the distances yet and I need to pray and think upon this a bit further.
Bean is doing well in school. We miss her terribly, but thanks to technology we are able to keep in daily contact. Our family that lives close to her will see her in October and for Thanksgiving. She will be home for Christmas and we can't wait! I guess I need to fix up her new room!
Our school year started the week before the wedding and quickly went into vacation mode. I am looking forward to starting again on Monday. I really like the way that the curriculum is working so far. Our most difficult task will be to not take on too much outside of the school day which then cuts into precious schooling time. I have had to say "no" to so many things so far and will continue to do so. I feel strongly that we need to focus on our spiritual life and our domestic church.
Each child is using a different curriculum. This is new for me. I typically build my own or greatly modify a prepared curriculum and try to overlap students and subjects. This year, I've instead identified the top 2 areas each student needs to work on and will strive to strengthen these points the best way that we can.
Bean did report back to me that she was concerned about her writing skills. Admittedly, I was just as concerned as I had never put her through a formal writing course. She was brought up on lots of oral and written narration in true Charlotte Mason form. I did use a brief grammar course with her that was basic and to the point. The other day she shared with me that she was asked to proof read some of her fellow students papers. She was immediately reassured that her skills while not perfect, were more than adequate for the courses she is currently enrolled in.
I did note while I was at Franciscan that they have a "Writing Center". An actual office dedicated to helping students to become better writers. This tells me that ALL students can use help in the writing area no matter what schooling background they come from.
I am praying we have a few weeks of quiet normalcy around here before we begin the holiday season. Then of course we will have the great blessing of our first grandchild arriving shortly after the new year!
It was only 77 degrees this morning! Praise God! 7 miles with great company and a nice and easy pace provided me with a most excellent run today.
And cooler temps are in the air!
I felt great this morning. Tried to keep an easy pace for my running partner who is trying his hand at heart rate training. As I told him, if you need someone to help slow you down, I am your girl!
I've been doing many of my runs alone this summer trying to get used to the mentality of the longer distances when most of the time, you are by yourself. Sometimes it is nice to be alone, sometimes it is nice to be with others. Today was very enjoyable being part of the pack. Loved it!
We start our full school load on Monday and with that I pray I am more consistent in my weekday workouts. I've let these slip with all that has been going on around the house and I am starting to notice the difference. Time to crack the whip on myself!
Get out and enjoy the weekend, no matter what you do!
Last Wednesday, I had the beautiful blessing of being able to accompany Bean to her new "home" away from home.
Franciscan University is an absolutely beautiful campus which sits upon a hill in the middle of Steubenville, Ohio. It truly gives meaning to the term, "a city upon a hill". We feel so blessed that Bean has the opportunity to attend Franciscan University! It is a beautiful campus, with even more beautiful souls that see to the education of our young people. If you ever have any doubt that the Catholic Christian Faith is alive, look no further than Franciscan! These students are on fire for Christ, for the Eucharist, and for His Word! Knowing that she is there with so many that she already knows and is making new friends daily, offers comfort that a mother can appreciate.
The weeks leading up to this moment have been filled with many different emotions, from fear and anxiety, to pride and excitement. It was a strange place of limbo really. Not too sure how to balance the need to see her friends and our need to spend time together as a family. Admittedly, I did not handle it very gracefully. Most of the time and when I was really wanting to snuggle up on the couch with her, I would react with frustration and even anger to hear that she was going out with her friends again. I tried to tell myself that this is all a normal part of breaking away from us. Everyone tried to reassure me of this as well, but it did not make it feel any better.
The Rosary Garden
Again, I was reminded of St. Monica and her unwaivering faith, her unceasing prayer life. I asked for her intercession many times this summer, not because Bean was out living the life that St. Augustine did before his conversion, but because I needed to rely on the faith that God knows her better than I and that I should begin to turn her back over to Him. I thanked Him as I drove away on Sunday after our last afternoon together. Thanked Him for the opportunity to have been entrusted with her for the last 18 years.
I knew when I took this picture, she was ready for me to leave.
I am still learning to let go. It is not easy. For that I am grateful. I don't ever want to be that person that is happy to see their child leave. I am excited for what the future holds for them, and I question whether or not we've given them the tools they will need for this uncertain world we live in. I rest in the knowledge that they have a deep love for Christ. And if they always remember that, they will find their way.
I have found this experience to be less about saying goodbye to her but more about an interior look at how I have done as a mom. I know that I haven't done things perfectly, and I am ok with that. I believe whole-heartedly that preparing our children for their adult lives is an opportunity for us to sanctify ourselves, draw us closer to the Father, and learn to fully Trust what He promises us.
Bean and her sweet roommate, couldn't have asked for a better match!
Come what may, Lord, I am ready, only if You are with me!
Life is never stagnant and is always in motion. Therefore, it is always and ever-changing. Sometimes it seems as though nothing is really happening and then one day you wake up and realize that everything has changed!
This summer of 2009 has definitely been full of big changes. Confirmations, Proms, Graduations, Birthdays, College, Babies. Probably some of the most significant of those changes are the additional titles that I have been blessed to receive.
My newest one will be Nana by way of our oldest daughter's first baby! Or Grandma, or whatever this sweet angel who is set to make his/her appearance in early 2010 decides to call me. For now, I will call myself Nana because that is what my mom was to my children, and my grandmothers were to me. It just seems to fit.
Bean has completed her journey as a homeschooler/highschooler and is set to embark upon a new career as a Freshman at Franciscan University. We also celebrated her 18th birthday in June which seems to open up a whole new world merely because of a number.
I know that she is going to be just fine out there in the world, but I can't help but worry. It's just how I am made! The quote that keeps popping up in my mind as I travel this new path is, "You pray, let God worry!" I like that. I think I'll keep it! Will I practice it? That is yet to be seen.
Bean and I will leave next week to travel to Ohio and get her settled into her dorm. While I look forward with great anticipation to some cooler temperatures with less humidity, I am not very excited about leaving one of my children behind as I come back home.
My 44th year started with great celebration. I love being surrounded by my family and friends. I realized this past weekend that I am not only going to miss Bean terribly, but many of her wonderful friends that I have come to know and love will be heading off to various locales as well and the ones that will stay close to home probably won't be visiting as much anymore. I wish I could adopt them all as my own! I will miss each one of them and pray each day for them.
My running has been a total sham this summer so far. I think with all that is preoccupying my mind, my heart just isn't in it. I've battled scheduling issues, sick children, and my own lack of motivation. I am running some, but not the amounts that I need in order to properly train for anything at this point. I am hoping that September will provide me a shot of spunk to get it in gear.
Another change we have made around the F-Troop home is that we have decided to go Vegan to try to clean up our diets and hopefully put an end to the never-short-on-supply allegies that some of us seem to be plagued with. It has been interesting preparing different foods, shopping in areas of the grocery store that we never knew existed!
We have been following The Engine 2 Diet and plan to stick with it for the suggested 28 days. Some of us will continue with it past the 28 days, others may decide to add in a few of the old favorites from time to time.
I suppose the goal of all change is to find the lessons in them that we can take away with us. Change brings us closer to the person we strive to be, and that which changes will most probably change again.
I've been wrestling with the idea of closing down my blogs due to a number of reasons for the past few months.
I've decided that rather than discontinue the blogging (one family/faith-related, one running) I will combine them! Funny how things come full circle. At one time I only had my family blog and decided that people that were reading about my running were probably not all that interested in my family/faith journey and vice-versa so I created my running blog. Keeping up with both of them and the rest of life has proved to be a losing battle. If I have to choose between living life and writing about it, living it will win every time. Hands down.
Well, here I am, beginning Chapter 44 of my life, and I guess I've decided that it's time to stop segmenting my life into compartments. My life has changed quite a bit since 2005 when I began Cirque de Moi. My life is still busy, but I don't look at it as a circus so much anymore. It is a beautiful ride. Full of ups and downs, twists and turns.
I've dubbed this blog, Running Towards Him because that is what I hope to do. Sometimes gracefully, usually not. So, if you've followed my links from the old blogs to the new, here I am. All of me. Well maybe not ALL of me, but you get the idea.
I will share about my life. My kids. My faith. My running. I hope you enjoy the ride!
