Friday, September 26, 2014

Aeturnus Discipulus

I have been quiet the last few months as I have been on again and off again with my running, my quest with simplifying, and my faith journey.

Sometimes we just get stuck.  Usually, not everything gets stuck at the same time, but for some strange reason, in a perfect storm of events, my world got stuck.  Or at least it seemed to.  

I was able to get away on retreat a few weeks ago and the important take-away from my time in silence was, "Just Breathe" and "Love".   So simple, yet, for me, so telling.  If I feel like I am choking, stifled, angst-filled, I obviously am not "breathing".  What must I do to live?  Just breathe.  What must I do to be happy?  Just breathe.  What must I do to spend eternity with Christ?  Just breathe.  And love.  If I am breathing, I can love.  If I am choking, all I can do is worry about myself.  

I asked God to help me to remain a learner, a student, a discipulus.  Forever.  I am seeing now that the "stuck" period wasn't really a period of non-movement, rather it was a time to experience the muck of life that I allow to choke me.  And in that experience, I am humbled yet again.  I am nothing without Him.  And I would not want to BE without Him.  So I begged to remain a disciple. 

How does this pertain to running?  My running has always been reflective of my spiritual life and it is only fitting that as I emerge from another layer of myself being peeled away, that my running also go through a time of change, a time of learning, a time of growth.  So I am a beginner once more.  In my faith, in my running, in my perception of how I see others.  

I am so thankful that He has blessed me with the chance to start fresh.  In my new wineskins.  I pray that I can "just breathe" and "love".

The next smatterings of posts will be about how it feels to begin again.  Again.