Enough Already

Almost one week post race and I think I have had enough.  Enough of second guessing myself.  Enough of being mad at myself.  Enough of being mad at the race.  Enough of looking for explanations, excuses, encouragement, lessons, etc.  I don't have regrets, but I do have a bit of a broken dream.  Perhaps that is the way it should be at this point.  So it's time to refocus.  Last Saturday was a "goal race" but it does not define me.  It was a great day of running that ended before I wanted it to.  Hmmm, there's that word.  "I".

I have a few goals left for the racing season.  Part of me wants to drop those goals for fear of failure.  Part of me wants to train like crazy and surpass those goals.  But I have a nagging voice inside me that is telling me that what is most important.  What my running always comes back to.  Joy.  Running with Joy.

If that involves casting aside the watches, the plans, the goals, the pressure, then so be it.  I choose to run with Joy.  I do not want to come away from another run feeling like I have this week.  It is NOT what I want for my life.

This is a daily decision.  This is a constant turning over of my will, my wants.  This is a never-ending lesson in remaining open to what plans God has for me instead of what "I" have planned for me.  And His plan is ALWAYS so much better!