It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I have been really considering dropping out of the 100 at Rocky. Yet, just when I make up my mind to do so, something stirs me to pick up the baton again and "just get it done."
I know that "just get it done" should not be a justification for running a 100 miles. In fact, I don't think I would ever suggest to anyone that they consider such a thing if that was their attitude toward a particular race goal. But I know myself well enough to understand that I am not really dealing with motivation here. I am discovering that what is truly going on is a serious case of self-doubt, exhibiting itself as lack of motivation and even downright dread of doing something that I love to do.
Understanding that this is what is driving my training, I've made the conscious decision to just get it done. I am training as if I will be running the 100. I am confident that by leading my heart, and at times yanking it along, to the start line in February, I will be physically ready to take on this race. The mental aspect of the race is where the true challenge will lie for me. It always is.
I have been listening to Downhere, a group I heard live recently, and these lyrics hit me in a new way the other day...(from the song Something Heavenly )
I'm so far from what I wanna beIn running, in my faith life, in all areas of my life, this verse could be applied. I don't know how it happens, but I wake up every now and again and realize that I have taken control of the very thing I need to let go of if I want it to be successful. Because "I" can do nothing, but in Him, all things can be done, if it is His will.
I really am my own worst enemy
Please don't let me get the better of me
take this earthly thing and make it finally
So I will train as if it is His will for me to run this race. I will act as if it is. I will suit up and I will show up, and if I truly trust in His will for me, even in something as trivial as running, I will accept where ever I end up on Feb 5th.