Wednesday, November 27, 2013


Blogging has become something that I wish I could do, but have no desire to do.  Makes the writing process  a bit more challenging. 

I'm tired.  Exhausted really.  In most every area.  2013 has been a year of wonderful things and amazing moments.  It has also been a year of challenges that I never envisioned facing in my life.  We never envision facing things unpleasant I suppose.

I've come to question everything.  Everything.  Every.  Little.  Thing.  And what remains is this.

I love God. 

I love my Church.

I love my family.

I love the few close friends I have.

I love the country I used to know.

All else is unimportant.  I have come to realize that the better part of my 48 years has been spent trying to please someone other than my God, whether it was myself or some other human.  Either way, it never ended up being true joy.  Only He can provide my joy.  Often He uses my family and friends to show it to me, but ultimately, it is a conversation between He and I. 

All else is up in the air.  Things that used to seem important and noble seem less so now.  Perhaps it is because of the emerging that my soul has gone through over the last year.  Perhaps it is just the transition point between where I was and where I am going. 

I have felt a call to disconnect from most things these days.  Social media, the news, even prayer lines...all seem to pull me away from my goal of growing closer to Him.  My own sin is capable of doing this...I don't need the extra help. 

I miss writing, but even here I feel there is a level of expectation that I can no longer maintain.  Begin.  That is the message I hear.  Begin.  Just start.  Don't worry who is reading, who is watching.  It isn't for them anyway. 

So here I am.  To begin.  Again.  To write.  Again.  A little every day.  Like it or hate it.  It is what it is.