It is becoming apparent to me that as the days of life click by, I stress about so many little things that seem to be so unimportant, yet matter so much.
I have been a mom for 23 years. Since before I held my first child, I was preparing. Preparing my house to become a home, my dog to become child-friendly, my car to be safe, my finances, in order to provide. As more children have come along, I continue to prepare. Prepare them to walk, prepare for them to talk, to learn, to grow, to mature. As a family, we try to prepare one another for life. And as parents, we try to fully prepare our children to be able to go out into the world, strong, independent, faithful, honest, trustworthy, dependable, good stewards, and more.
And then the day comes. Your oldest gets married. Is she ready? She has a child. Are they ready? Are they prepared?
Or another day comes and you send the next child off to college. After being homeschooled for most of her life, is she ready, is she prepared?
A few years later, the oldest is worrying about if they are properly preparing for their child and the child that will join them early next year. And the phone call comes that their beautiful child is in the hospital. And I worry, is my daughter prepared for this? Should I run to her side and be there for her? And my heart aches. I know that God is calling me to stay at home and allow my granddaughter's parents to be the ones who are at her side. Being 5 hours away gives me reason to reflect on this. Are they prepared for this? Have we carried out our responsibility to them?
Preparation for a long and wonderful journey to another part of the world. Packing, planning, visas, money, maps, food, customs, backpacks, the right shoes, airports, buses, Euro Rail passes. Is daughter number 2 prepared beyond all of these things for her studies abroad? It is hard to know.
As we dropped one daughter off at the airport and waited for an update from the hospital from the other, I was struck with this thought:
We are in a constant state of preparation. And as parents, this is even more obvious. We look forward to the day when we can look upon our adult children and see that they are all that we have hoped they would be and more. And then the sadness hits. They ARE all that we have hoped they would be AND MORE. And they will be called to more. To new places. To new people. And I am filled with an aching, yet joy-filled heart that causes tears to flow from my eyes.
All I want to do is hold my baby who is 5 and tell him to stay just as he is, but I know that this can not be. He must be properly prepared. Prepared for me to let him go.