Sunday, August 22, 2010

August = Whirlwind

It's been a few weeks wild and crazy weeks since my last post.  With summer winding down, (bizarre statement as things in Texas are really just heating up!), and school starting up, the home front is busier than usual.  Throw in the death of one of the dogs, the death of the bird, a broken AC unit,  family leaving for college, family moving back into the area, and time spent with the most beautiful granddaughter in the world, with some roller coaster training, and you have one quick-paced month of August! 

I look forward to the beginning of school only for the sense of schedule that it offers, but I know I am going to miss the lazy days of summer, most of which were not very lazy at all.  We did spend a lot of time at our neighborhood pools this year and that was time well spent.  Even I, the ghost-runner, have tan legs for the first time ever!  I've learned to relax in the water and last week, I was able to swim 500 yards, slowly, yet strongly, and feel good at the end.  But don't worry, there are no thoughts of a Tri in my future.  I want to keep swimming as what I do to relax, from the running, which, ironically, I do to relax, but somehow seem to complicate with goals, races, numbers, equipment, yada, yada, yada.

Running has been a challenge of late.  I have brought on increased pressure by trying to accomplish something that I am not really ready for just yet.  No excuses here, just reality.  I have a philosophy about running.  If it isn't fun, if it causes too much stress, then I am doing something terribly wrong.  My running, or rather, my thinking has been causing a lot of stress in my daily life, and I had a moment of clarity the other day.  I do NOT want to give my family the leftovers of me, that which is left after training has been done.  

With this clarity comes a bit of confusion.  Couldn't training always be looked upon as pulling myself away from my family?  Of course it can.  The litmus test, for me, is whether or not there is a balance regarding all aspects of my life.  This does not mean that everything is equal all of the time.  Rather, it is an ebb and flow of more needs in one area being met, then moving onto another area, then to another.  The other point which should never be missed by me, but somehow is always missed by me, is encapsulated within one of my favorite verses of scripture.  Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things in He who strengthens me."  Of late, it seems, I am neglecting this aspect of my perspective. 

Everything seems out of balance.  Most things feel like they are requiring too much effort to accomplish, from running to preparing for school, to folding laundry.  It's at these moments where I feel that 2X4 that often comes when I am trying to "do it alone".  When, oh when, will I learn.  He is not an option.  He is the answer.  In all things.  And nothing good that I do is done by me, it is done by Him.  When I feel that life is gone off of its axis, I need to look no further than who is in the driver's seat.  Again. 

I will hopefully end this month better than I started it.  Seeking His will in all areas will help me to better arrange my priorities and amazingly, the balance will be restored.