Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Bean's Next Chapter Begins

Marian Hall, Bean's home away from home

Last Wednesday, I had the beautiful blessing of being able to accompany Bean to her new "home" away from home.

Franciscan University is an absolutely beautiful campus which sits upon a hill in the middle of Steubenville, Ohio. It truly gives meaning to the term, "a city upon a hill". We feel so blessed that Bean has the opportunity to attend Franciscan University! It is a beautiful campus, with even more beautiful souls that see to the education of our young people. If you ever have any doubt that the Catholic Christian Faith is alive, look no further than Franciscan! These students are on fire for Christ, for the Eucharist, and for His Word! Knowing that she is there with so many that she already knows and is making new friends daily, offers comfort that a mother can appreciate.

The weeks leading up to this moment have been filled with many different emotions, from fear and anxiety, to pride and excitement. It was a strange place of limbo really. Not too sure how to balance the need to see her friends and our need to spend time together as a family. Admittedly, I did not handle it very gracefully. Most of the time and when I was really wanting to snuggle up on the couch with her, I would react with frustration and even anger to hear that she was going out with her friends again. I tried to tell myself that this is all a normal part of breaking away from us. Everyone tried to reassure me of this as well, but it did not make it feel any better.

The Rosary Garden

Again, I was reminded of St. Monica and her unwaivering faith, her unceasing prayer life. I asked for her intercession many times this summer, not because Bean was out living the life that St. Augustine did before his conversion, but because I needed to rely on the faith that God knows her better than I and that I should begin to turn her back over to Him. I thanked Him as I drove away on Sunday after our last afternoon together. Thanked Him for the opportunity to have been entrusted with her for the last 18 years.

I knew when I took this picture, she was ready for me to leave.

I am still learning to let go. It is not easy. For that I am grateful. I don't ever want to be that person that is happy to see their child leave. I am excited for what the future holds for them, and I question whether or not we've given them the tools they will need for this uncertain world we live in. I rest in the knowledge that they have a deep love for Christ. And if they always remember that, they will find their way.

I have found this experience to be less about saying goodbye to her but more about an interior look at how I have done as a mom. I know that I haven't done things perfectly, and I am ok with that. I believe whole-heartedly that preparing our children for their adult lives is an opportunity for us to sanctify ourselves, draw us closer to the Father, and learn to fully Trust what He promises us.

Bean and her sweet roommate, couldn't have asked for a better match!

Come what may, Lord, I am ready, only if You are with me!

A Dream realized! Amen!

1 comment:

  1. Oh, you are both so lovely, and I can understand how hard this is for you -- only about three more years and I'll be in a similar place with my eldest ... It will be here all too soon!

    Prayers for both you and Bean as you embark on this new chapter of life!